James 3:2 lays out the human condition as clearly and as succinctly as anyone can: “We all stumble in many ways.”
Whether you are married for a month or a decade now, there are things that you’ll continue learning. Once we fall in love, we give in to its ups and downs, imperfections and all. Marriage does not stop after the wedding, it begins there.
Me and my hubby were together for five years, married for 7 months. We started with “baby dress to wedding dress” so you could imagine how tough our beginning was.
Our relationship and how we treat each other changed after we became parents. As we are trying to rebirth “our love”, here’s what I have learned (so far) :
(This is actually a reflection from my 7-day Love Reborn challenge.)
1. There is no specific guidelines or standards for marriage.
I always compare our marriage to other couples that I really admire. Why can’t we be like them? What are they doing to stay sweet and in love?
The reason that I’ve demanded more from my husband is that I am wishing that he’ll be the Mr. Right.
But he’s not. Every relationship differs and every love story is unique.
We shouldn’t be looking for a specific standards to have a happy marriage.
There’s no such thing as perfect. Only God is perfect.
Stop looking for something that is not there. Focus on what you have and grow from those.
2. Marriage is not a duty.
Strive for personal balance.
Yes, we share responsibilities and tasks and we felt obligated to attend with those. But marriage isn’t a job. It’s a partnership. An intimate relationship.
When I feel overwhelmed and frustrated, I do my stuff. I avoid looking at the messy house or my busy husband in front of his computer. I will grab my books and my journal. I will have my personal ‘me’ time. And just like now, I will try to post a blog.
This will make me relaxed and all irritations and the feeling of “He’s not helping me” will go away and I gotta get going. I’ll finish all my tasks without any burden.
Do not let the thought of 50-50 rule damage your marriage (and your sanity). Things will not really go the way you want it. And, moms… Men aren’t created to do household chores (always remember that).
Pray for strength and God will do what you can’t.
3. Don’t let small things left unseen
May it be a simple I love you from him or an unexpected kiss or hug.
Your son trying very hard to say ‘i love you mommy’, or a smile or an act of gratitude from your family.
These things are what make us human. We may thought that these lil gestures don’t do anything, but they are actually the ones that will take our breath away!
4. Bigger expectations can give you a heartache.
My husband is not a Don Romantiko type, I knew that from the start. But I still expect him to be romantic. Most of the time, he’ll give what I want but I won’t feel 100% satisfied. Why? Because it isn’t authentic. 😉
So don’t expect too much and let life surprise you by its own way.
5. Always be grateful.
Having a husband who stays even after seeing all my flaws is a great blessing! We may have rocky times, we may argue at times, and we may have different character, but I thank him for giving me a wonderful family.
Just got married and staying married!
And hubby, “thanks for accepting who I am and absorbing all my bad attitudes. I love you!
God will not give us what we deserve, but out of mercy, grace and love, He’ll never fail to satisfy us.
In everything, give thanks.
Enjoy the journey. This is a journey, and you can’t make it just about the destination. That cycle of ups and downs is what makes success so sweet. View life as a successful journey even during the hard times, and anytime something goes wrong you’ll know that wasn’t the right way—and you’ll figure it out.
What are you doing to stay committed in your marriage?
Please leave a comment and let’s rebirth something new and stay in love!