To my husband who “just” stays at home

Dear husband who is currently staying at home taking care of the kids,

I do not intend that we’d be in this situation but life leads us here. You know that as a mom it is my job to be at home and I’ve been praying for that to happen.

I am jealous of you. My sons know you better and you knew them well than me. You’re laughing and cuddling during your spare time while I drink coffee during mine, just to keep myself up and working.

It breaks my heart seeing my kids go to you first as if you’ve carried them for nine months.

What can I do? I have to leave and work.

It breaks my heart to know that, in some way or another you are losing your own fight. Your silence shows that you are trying to redeem your manness, oh love, you have proven that you are far better than other men out there! Our kids respect and love you for who you are and I admire you for your patience — in me and in this situation.

And so today we argue again, I complained again. Because I think you’re not making any efforts at all.
I am tired, stressed and honestly, I don’t know what to do. I blamed you, for not doing what I am telling you, for not choosing me. I am mad at you because you look just calm and steady, while I am worried and exhausted.

But husband, tonight, as I sat in the middle of the cafeteria, staring at people with an empty-hand, I write this as I realized how blessed I am to have you.

Everyday, you wake up early to look after the crying baby and the energetic toddler. You won’t disturb my sleep. You will entertain the babies and wait for me to wake up.

When I woke up, you’ll greet me with a good morning kiss and won’t complain that I’ve just woke up. You’ll ask me what do I want for breakfast.

While I prepare our food (I want to do this everyday, because this is how I get to serve you,my sweet family), you’ll take a bath because when I leave you won’t have a chance.

We will talk while we eat. We’ll laugh at how the babies love eating like we do. Then we’ll bath them together and set them to bed afterwards for their noon nap.

You will help me prepare for work, pack my lunch and show sweet gestures before I leave.

Sorry. For all the words I’ve said that broke your heart. For complaining about how our life turns out. For not realizing that it should be an effort of you AND me, not just me, not just you. Sorry for not giving you the best, for being a super-nagging-wife. For being disrespectful and… For expecting you to do the things that I am supposed to be doing…

We may not intend that we’ve switch roles but we do, still I am looking forward to what God is planning for us.

Today, until the day that we finally switch roles and live by purpose, I’d like to say that I appreciate you, very very much! Please remind yourself that I love you whenever I fail to do so.

Keep it up and change for the better. I am confident that we’ll get through this, because remember, we are a team.

I know someday, I will write just anothet letter for my husband who works hard to provide for his family.

Until then, I will happily stay with you. And I will remind myself that you’re not “just” staying at home, you’re building our home. I love you.

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