If you can’t be kind, please just keep quiet

I don’t know if I am just getting too emotional or what. We have been struggling to live this life with ease. Everything turns to be a pain in the neck and the only thing I can do is to pray AND SMILE.

Smiling doesn’t mean I am okay, in fact it is just a way of calming myself.

Let me tell you a little about me and my family. I’d like to share this because I just can’t keep my heart quiet.

My pregnancies were both unplanned and I have lived many years repenting and still not regretting that it happened. Two years after my first pregnancy, we are still unmarried. Simply because we can’t afford it. The second time that we’ve found we were pregnant again, we decided to finally tie the knot, still financially incapable. But with those generous people’s help, we were able to have that simple wedding and paid for our house equity. All of course, needs to be repaid.

Everything’s just fine until our second baby came. We have no yaya and we can’t just leave the kids to my parents because they too have their own problems.

Me and my husband decided that he quit his job so he could take care of the kids. You might be asking why I choose it that way instead of the normal way? My salary can pay all our debts from the wedding and house equity, monthly rent and take care of our needs, and my husband’s salary cannot.

Our new norm has worked well for us, but not for the sight of other people. But we decided to move on with our life. Their words and judgement won’t bring food to our table, why should we care?

But life’s really testing us. Debts came overflowing and my salary can no longer pay them. I am hell worried and I don’t know what to do.

But you know what? Me and my husband stand through our faith and we let God do His will.

It is hard, very very hard. To go to work with an empty pocket. It is even hard to think of how we can survive with a salary that most people think is big but can’t even give three people a comfortable life.

This is not to overreact, but no one sees us as me and my husband shared a one peso worth of fish cracker over rice just to fill that empty stomach, and just to make sure that babies have milk and diapers. No one understands how that broke us as persons but fulfills us as parents.

Parents trying hard to give our kids the best that they deserve. We love to buy them new and branded clothes, toys and books that were not preloved. But we just can’t (YET!)

You know what’s hard, friends? When I saw my husband’s effort of getting a job but just can’t pass medical exams because of a scar in his lungs. And yet he’s being judged.

Okay, we are not perfect. We made mistakes. Maybe we don’t know how to budget our money. Maybe we’ve gone far to the limit. But our life is never easy! Good for you if you have a lot to spend for your food or clothing. But PLEASE be sensitive to others.

They might be smiling and joking around, they might be presenting themselves as a whole and still looking fine, not telling you they’re hungry even if they’re starving. That’s not always pride! That sometimes is a way to embrace life. Because it’s never going to be easy and fair. That is one way to stand still and continue because they have to.

My thoughts might not be going anywhere, I just want to say this:

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Pic not mine. See: http://www.yogaaccessories.com/Yoga-and-Teen-Angst_b_139.html

 

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Posted in: mom

4 thoughts on “If you can’t be kind, please just keep quiet

  1. Meg says:

    Hugs, mommy. We also experienced the same struggle when we were just starting. Same as you, I am also a breadwinner and my husband was judged by not being able to provide much for our family since he was not able to finish his studies. Keep the faith. What’s important is your family stays intact and no one’s sick. Sabi nga sa tagalog, “kapit lang”. Makakaraos din.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. thedreamermom says:

    Hi mommy, you’ll get through it. Just remember you are not alone. My family is also experiencing financial problems esp because I have a special needs child. Mahirap. Everything you buy is tipid. And..don’t mind what others say. Hugs..

    Liked by 1 person

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