(Grammar disclaimer: I used “not capable” instead of incapable by purpose)
First, I’d like to thank you for your honesty and transparency. I know it’s obvious that I am struggling. Maybe my clothes, shoes and the food I eat show that I am having a hard time. Or maybe you’re hearing me say we have less and I can’t come to eat outs and team buildings because my money’s just enough for our daily expenses.
You’re right, my dear friend. Right now I am not capable. I can’t live the way you do. I can’t spend more on my daily coffee sips or spend extra for sodas and sandwiches from those expensive convenience stores. I can’t buy myself a pair of Nike or Adidas shoes and yes, I’ve got a single pair of shoes only.
I am not capable to live your style.
You know what I am only capable of?
I am capable of making my life better. Of accepting that it won’t be easy as I always remind myself. I have learned to love what I have and make the most of what’s available.
I am capable of living a simple, happy life. I am capable of creating and exploring and accepting that we can’t have it all.
I may not wear fancy clothes and branded shoes, but I love our life! It’s not perfect, but it brings out the best in me.
You’ve heard me telling you about the sunsets in my life. I am very vocal with whatever is happening. I am sharing my stories and I am very open about my life. Because there’s nothing to hide. There’s nothing to fear. But there’s a lot of things that cause pain – and one of those is the heartache of being judged.
But, I am telling myself that life is sweeter than dwelling on these negative emotions.
I am happy with what we have, what I have achieved and what we can be someday.
And one more thing. This one’s specially for you – I am capable of forgiving you, for forgetting about how you’ve indirectly hurted me because I want to keep our friendship.
I am asking God to take away these negative emotions so I could move forward with a light heart.
To you who thinks I am not capable to have a life similar to you, you’re right.
Because I am only capable of living our own unique life in our very own, beautiful ways.